Ever had a broken heart?
Sure you have. Ouch, ouch, ouuuuuuuuch. Yet somehow when you let yourself feel the pain, you invite your deep well of power to rise up within you. It’s like giving birth – pain so intense it brings new life into being.
Last week I had three of the richest days of my life. On Tuesday morning, I heard news from a loved one that left me feeling shocked, angry and shattered. Now just five days later, after feeling all the emotions fully, I feel way more alive than I did before hearing the news. Clearer about my worth. Giving myself more permission to fully be me. More sensitized to who and what resonates with me – more selective about which people and situations are a match for the full me. I’ve been empowered by the storm called feeling.
A calm pool glimmers in my core. It is such a gift to be a woman, and I’m here to remind you of your fortune.
Your feelings are your superpower. Yet you’ve been told otherwise.
A society that separates Emotional Intelligence (EQ) from its base understanding of intelligence is not yet awake to this.
So it’s up to you to find people who do. Plenty exist and they’re certainly not all women. Yet there is a noticeable contrast between men’s and women’s capacity to feel and be with the power of feelings. It’s part of our perfect weave as animals. Women’s bodies hold and birth life, and to healthfully raise a child -- to healthfully raise life -- we must grow our capacity to navigate emotional landscapes.
So when the storm of feelings raged…
On that big day of upset, I wanted to fully feel the anger so it didn’t get stuck inside of me. I didn’t want my soul to bleed for long, so I sliced through the day listening to heavy metal, jogging and agonizing over what just transpired. I started writing an uncensored letter to the person whose news had upset me.
Two nights in a row, I fell to the floor sobbing. I just couldn’t believe it. My heart and body didn’t understand. I knew I just needed to feel.
The first night, a dear friend stepped up, Village style, to cook for our kids while he played piano music to help me release the inner pressure. The second night, as I was keeled over in a cascade of tears, my housemate drew me a bath and big-sister-commanded me to get in as she lit candles for its rim.
I sobbed and wrote, jogged and sang, moving it all through.
All three days, I spoke with Jedi friends. People whose wisdom radiates right out front. Who don’t take sides or fuel drama in other ways. Friends who aren’t afraid to speak their truth; they know that’s part of what draws us together.
That’s when something interesting showed up.
I noticed a tendency in male friends that contrasted what the females did. While my woman friends related to my grief, holding it with their empathy and supporting me to move through it, my man friends focused on the spiritual aspects of the experience, saying things like…
“You created this experience.” And, “In your place of core knowing, in your place of highest consciousness, Could you ever really be separate from this person?”
While the men’s words were gentle and wise, my body had other ideas. She kept having feelings. Big feelings. And I am her servant, so I must honor them. Our bodies are impeccable communicators.
Feel it all. Your big feelings are an invitation to light yourself up from within.
In heartbreak, you can choose to honor BOTH the spiritual and the physical experience it is offering.
“Oneness doesn’t bypass experience,” a close friend said. “Higher consciousness does not deny our healthy human experience. It does not move through it faster than we can digest the experience truly. Being in it is beautiful.”
With her words, I felt seen. She continued, “By not suppressing or bypassing, we open up the possibility of actually transmuting that which needs healing in the collective. Thank you for doing the precious work for you. It heals all of us.”
Write down those words and tuck them in your nightstand for your next dose of heartbreak. They will help you feel it, offering wisdom not held by a world socialized to deny their power. Why were pages removed from the Bible that spoke in Mary Magdalene’s voice? Because feeling is our superpower, and when women rise to feel and claim our power, we are a threat to systems based in domination and control.
Before sunrise, I lay with the moon in my pelvis.
Feeling fully is freedom. Let your heartbreak magnify your power as a creator. Let the tears lead you into dancing ecstasy. Let the anger fuel your passion to serve – others and yourself. Let this experience embed you with the capacity to hold space for your daughter or friend when she’s feeling shattered.
Feelings write great songs. Feelings have great sex. Feelings feed your dancing.
Your body is a luscious pool of blood and saltwater — bust the dam and flow.
Thank Goddess, thank God, we know what it feels like to bleed~
Join me in celebrating the release of Magdalena Magazine, Issue #2. Its creator, Magdalena Maddox (pictured here with me today) says, “In a time of unprecedented media overload, and untrustworthy propaganda, the second issue of Magdalena realizes its responsibility to be a safe space for renewal, centering helpful information to navigate uncertain times for the human family on planet earth.” Lovers of beauty, paper and woman, join me in supporting this gorgeous woman-made paper creation!
Jessica Rios, Founder of Leaning into Light, was born with a divine pen in her pelvis. She is a lifelong letter writer, a thought leader in Love, and she writes memoirs. Our blog and conversations are devoted to Jess' greatest passion: illuminating the beauty of the human spirit.