Leaning Into Light
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Who We Are
    • Memoirs
  • Conversations
    • The Relationship Series
  • Kind Words
  • Contact

Please Parent My Child

12/14/2019

0 Comments

 
There are many things we can only know when we're "in it." In the experience of it, tasting all its flavors close-up. Parenting has been this way for me. 
Picture
Without question, parenting has been the most rigorous work of my life. Physical elements are part of it -- the diapers, nursing and social planning -- but the big-huge-colossal-galactic part of the work of parenting isn't tangible, visible, or often even name-able.

It is emotional work. It is spiritual work. It grows us, stretches us, calls out the parts of us that want to emerge. ​Our greatest learning and growth can live inside our parenting, when we let them. 

Before I was a parent, I thought a parent could provide everything their child needed in terms of guidance and wisdom. Once I had a child, I realized this is untrue. While much guidance can come from a parent, each child needs more than one parent can offer. 

I've seen it in my friends' children. Eyes and hearts longing to know love from all the adults around them. I've seen it in my child, her sense of inner trust expanding when she is parented by someone other than me or her father. 

Once while camping, my daughter was about 20 yards away from me, playing with friends. From where I stood, I could see she needed something but I also knew there were parents closer to her who might help. I felt a longing. Within my chest, I hoped those parents would help.

And they did!

I felt relieved. My daughter got her need met and I didn't have to meet it. Someone whose values and ways I trusted, helped her out. Through this, my daughter grew more trusting of the world — that people would take care of her, not just her parents. 

Weight lifted off my shoulders, trust grown in my child, plus a strengthened bond between my child and that parent. Multiple wins!

Not all parents are open to letting other parents guide their children. I've had my heart gently broken by a close friend who didn't want me to connect with her child when the connection was "corrective." She only seemed to welcome me when I was coming from sweetness, affirming her child's strengths
— not when I saw something unloving in her child and wanted to offer guidance. It hurt. It felt like I got cut off, not being allowed to fully express myself in friendship with her child. It felt like I wasn't trusted, or that she was scared. 

Some parents want a lot of help from others. Some want none. What I am suggesting is that we open ourselves to welcoming help. Parenting can be exhausting and it doesn't need to be so bad, when we can allow support from those willing to offer it. 

If someone guides your child in a way that doesn't feel trustworthy or aligned with you, step away from that person's guidance or ask if they're willing to hear input about your values and ways. This dynamic of giving and receiving parental guidance to other people's children is never 100% free of messes — life is messy. 

Talking with your child about the varied guidance they receive can be a great learning experience too. "Uncle Adam uses fear to try to teach you things. Does that work well for you?" for example. Or, "You feel supported by Grandpa, don't you?"

High five to you for opening yourself to receive more support and to let your child grow in his/her sense of living in village.

​I sure appreciate it, every time one of my friends leans in to guide my child. It's like a relief tattoo on my forehead! Except, it doesn't hurt. (Thanks, friends.)

0 Comments

    Author

    Jessica Rios, Founder of Leaning into Light, was born with a divine pen in her pelvis. She is a lifelong letter writer, a thought leader in Love, and she writes memoirs. Our blog and conversations are devoted to Jess' greatest passion: illuminating the beauty of the human spirit.

    Picture

    subscribe to our newsletter

    Categories

    All
    Acknowledgment
    Addiction
    Adventure
    Authenticity
    Bicycles
    Childhood
    Children
    Communication
    Conflict
    Connection
    Death
    Divinity
    Foam
    Forgiveness
    Freedom
    Friendship
    Fulfillment
    Gratitude
    Intimacy
    Kindness
    Leadership
    Letter Writing
    Love
    Mindfulness
    Pain
    Parenting
    Power
    Pregnancy
    Relationships
    Surrender
    Sweetness
    Wisdom
    Women

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    November 2020
    August 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015

    RSS Feed

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Who We Are
    • Memoirs
  • Conversations
    • The Relationship Series
  • Kind Words
  • Contact